My First Born

When I was carrying Bittu I left the job in the University of Allhabad and came to join my husband in Hyderabad. I found a lot of time in my hands and would spend this reading books and magazines. One memory which is very much there is of my starting the novel, Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham. This was a 1915 novel about a crippled doctor's destructive and compulsive passion for a coarse waitress . Philip goes through various ups and downs in his life. He is is sent to a boarding school. His uncle and aunt would like for him to eventually go to Oxford to study to become a clergyman. Philip's shyness and his club foot make it difficult for him to fit in with the boys at the school, and he does not make many friends. Onc can always feel his pain and one gets very moved when we hear about his changing many jobs and wanting to become a chartered accountant, an artist but giving them up realising that he will only be a mediocre. I was pregnant and while I was reading this book I felt very afraid. I was told to read spiritual books so that the child is born with good values and attitudes. I kept this book aside and picked up many other novels but some how it was very difficult to forget Philip and his club foot. I was filled with a lot of dread and try as I would I could never forget Philip. There was a fear of the unknown. I* could not share my unnown fear with any one. I still remeber that when my son was born as I held him for the first time I quitely turned to his feet to see if it was nornal. I turned around his fingers and till the time Bittu started walking I always had this fear in my mind. It was again after a gap of two years that I could again pick up this wonderful novel anbd finish it. This novel has always stayed wiith me for its beautiful story and the struggles of its main character as he goes through life.